On Masks and Choices and Kindness

Wearing a mask is a bit like putting your shopping trolley back in the corral. There’s no real law against not doing it. It’s kind of annoying. An extra step to take. But it is the right and correct and good thing to do. I'm annoyed at the people who don’t put away their cart. It dings my car or blocks a parking space and I think…asshole. I’m also annoyed at the people who refuse masks. Who proudly don’t wear them because they’re uncomfortable, unattractive, awkward, a sign of weakness or a symbol of government oppression. Masks are such an act of unselfishness. The science is murky but it seems they don’t protect you as much as protect others from you. So many seem ill-equipped for this kind of minor self-sacrifice. At heart, I’m still a foreigner and this seems to speak to me of a deep American-ness. Americans are fantastic at grit and resilience and hard work. Not so great at compassion, selflessness and communal sacrifice.

I was lurking on Facebook last night and saw a post from someone I knew in Michigan. Lyla’s old preschool teacher. (This is why Twitter is so superior to Facebook…the people with dodgy views aren’t people you know and love.) She complained about a local reporter who wore a mask during his outside broadcast. Who was he protecting? Was it, instead, some form of “virtue signalling’ without any real reason? His voice was muffled and she was irritated. Her friends piled on. One woman saw someone in a car wearing a mask the other day. Idiot! One man heard about someone who died wearing a mask. No one ever talks about how dangerous masks are! Another believes it’s a government plot to have us breathe in our own carbon dioxide. A lone voice chimes in…maybe he was protecting the camera man? Maybe there was a producer close by? Maybe he wanted to keep the microphone clean? I dunno, she says, I just want to give people the benefit of the doubt. It’s a trying time.

I flip back to Twitter to feed my social media addiction. A famous TV personality comments on the people protesting the lockdown. “I’m sorry you can’t get to the Piggly Wiggly for your Mountain Dew!”. Her followers quickly comment. “Exactly right!” “Fat assholes!” “I hope they get it and the hospitals refuse to treat them.”

The anger and hate and judgment are a weight I have to put down.

David Foster Wallace, who only avoided his own time in the Internet rage barrel by hanging himself when Twitter was still a baby, was, unequivocally, a great writer. I came across a commencement speech he gave at Kenyon College in 2005 a few years ago and I think about it often. He urges the audience to choose a certain generosity of spirit.

Someone in a giant SUV cuts us off in traffic. We have two choices. That guy is a disgusting, selfish, probably fat, stupid, earth-killing, climate change denier. My personal go-to usually involves a little dusting of xenophobia. God, these Americans are so selfish and greedy. Not like the more evolved Europeans. The other choice is harder. DFW urges us to think of the situation a little differently. I’m sure Mary Karr could tell us how often David succeeded in this generous re-framing but, anyway. What if we imagine this guy with a smidge of benevolence. What if he’s been in some sort of traumatic car accident. He’s terrified to drive and his therapist has ordered him to get the biggest car he can find. What if his small child is next to him and he is rushing her to the hospital.

So, here goes… The guy who opened up his restaurant in defiance of State guidelines this past weekend? Selfish? Greedy? Dumb? Sure, probably. But also…misguided, uninformed, scared. Terrified, maybe. His debts are piling up. His suppliers are irritated. The restaurant was never exactly a money maker in the best of times. Mortgage and rent payments are coming due. How is he going to feed his family? Let alone that vacation he promised his wife, the first one they’ve taken in ten years. And the people who work for him? He feels their burdens too. Each with their own mortgage and car payment and hungry kids. Their own piles of debts and fears. The anger and shaming and judgment melt away. I dunno…I’m just trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. It’s a trying time.

Those assholes without a mask though…